


Bunny!Bat

by EsculentEvil



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Flirting, Fluff, Headcanon, Humor, M/M, Manipulation, Mature Jokes/Puns/Situations, Metafiction, New 52, References to My Other Works, Romance, Song Parody, psychotic breaks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-09-18 17:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16999488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EsculentEvil/pseuds/EsculentEvil
Summary: When the Joker cannot stop thinking that the long ears of Batman's cowl look like bunny ears, he becomes determined to make his Bunny Bat real.A continuation of sorts of my previous post,Joking MirrorsBunny Bat[I warned you all~ ehehe!].Originally posted to my Tumblr @esculentevil





	1. Bunny Ears

Throbbing: behind his eyes, in his temples, along his jaw; everywhere.

Giggling: from behind him, from beside him, from above him; all around him.

The clown is omnipresent.

The bat is just defeated.

* * *

 

When he comes to—really wakes—the other is on him.

Spindly fingers, white as porcelain, trembling and trailing his black person.

They dance and weave—enticing him—under the light of a gleaming grin.

Batman scowls.

* * *

 

“Get off of me,” the Kevlar-encased one growls.

“O?” the clown titters, “But I’m so comfy!”

Illuminated eyes narrow to slits, “I’m not.”

“O, but aren’t bunnies  **always** ~?” 

* * *

 

It’s his eyes.

The realization makes his stomach fall.

He’d always intended for the luminescence to strike fear into his enemies.

Not for it to brighten the Joker’s already blistering smile.

* * *

 

“...  **Bunnies**?” he asks incredulously.

The Joker chortles and nods, “Yes! Bunnies!”

A delicate glove caresses an ear and Batman gasps as it all clicks: 

Joker’s making fun of his cowl’s ears because he  **always**  leaves it  **on**.


	2. Call My Batsy, Bunny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since [the first post that talked about this](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16611794/chapters/38938595) had Scott Snyder’s Joker/Lament making the joke, this fan script features _New 52′s_ Bat and Joker [tho I did go into this without a set verse in mind]. This could still be any other, however, from the Arkham Games’ to Lego to _BTAS_ ; you decide! ♦
> 
> As an aside: yes, I’m aware Lollipop isn’t actually by the Chordettes; [it’s originally by Ronald and Ruby [and written by Ruby and Julius Dixson]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lollipop_\(1958_song\)); I just grew up with the Chordettes’ version.

**Joker** : [singing and dancing to the tune of  _Lollipop_ by the Chordettes]   
 _Bunny Bat, Bunny Bat, O~ Bunny Bunny Bunny~_

**Batman** : [approaching warily from the other side of the rooftop]

**Joker** : [twirls around with a wicked grin; winks at the Bat]  
 _Bunny Bat, Bunny Bat, O~ Bunny Bunny Bunny~_   

**Batman** : [stops in the center of the abandoned building’s roof]

**Joker** : [performs a quick heel dig before dancing his way to the Bat]  
 _Bunny Bat, Bunny Bat, O~ Bunny Bunny Bunny~ **Bunny Bat**!_

[Batman fights a flinch as the Joker taps out the  _bum bum bum bum_  of the chorus’ end on his chest (left pectoral then right), nose, and finally kisses him.]


	3. Bunny Bat Signal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joker and I can’t get enough of Bunny Batman so here’s some vandalism from us with love~

**Jim** : [looks panicked as he locks gazes with the approaching Batman] I don’t--!

**Batman** : [holds up a calming hand] It’s alright, Jim. It’s just Joker.

**Jim** : [appears very confused]  _Joker_?

**Batman** : [nods] He’s started calling me that.

**Jim** : ...  _That_?

**Batman** : [flushing slightly under the cowl] ... Bunny Bat.

**Jim** : ... [covers his mouth and clears his throat, trying hard not to laugh]

**Batman** : [flustered; steps back] I-I’ll go deal with him.

[As the masked vigilante turns around and leaps off the police department’s roof, the commissioner looks back up at his modified moniker in the sky. He notes, with wary amusement, the longer and fatter ears that do, in fact, resemble those of a rabbit; and the flirtatious (at least, he’s pretty sure that’s the clown’s aim) nickname spelled upon the searchlight in lipstick, of all things:  _♦ Bunny Bat! ♦_ ]


	4. Carrot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I wanted to make this joke back in Call My Batsy Bunny but I couldn’t get it to fit.

**Joker** : [launching himself at Batman] Bunny Bat!!!

**Batman** : [stoicly lets the clown latch onto him] Carrot.

**Joker** : [freezes; blinks; pulls back; stares] ... W-wha?

**Batman** : [fighting a smug smirk] Carrot.

**Joker** : [slowly blushing]

**Batman** : [leans forward; hides that smirk in Joker’s ear] Run.

**Joker** : [chokes on his excited squeal; turns and runs like crazy]

**Batman** : [chases after him, determined to get  ~~and devour~~  his carrot]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not even sorry for this. It fits. So much. xD I might even do another installment where Joker dresses in an orange suit, instead of purple, so it’ll be like he’s a walking carrot. It’ll be so fun~


	5. The Billboard Bunny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since [he started the joke](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16611794/chapters/38938595), this is still Snyder’s Joker, Lament—and, while I’d normally say you can choose any version/’verse while reading, Joker does have a short psychotic break in this where he gets really [meta](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/178440449477/this-is-a-crop-from-the-twelfth-page-of-batman) and mentions Snyder so... yea. Also, as an aside, Joker’s totally making Batsy into a playboy bunny with this billboard. xD

He’s standing in the middle of a rooftop before a half-repainted billboard.

It’s 0300 on a September Thursday and he’s successfully graffitied Gotham’s grim skyline over some unimportant advertisement Bruce Wayne had put up.

(Some stuff about orphans; irrelevant.)

The Joker grins as he begins to draw in a dark silhouette.

* * *

 

Batman’s boots thud heavily when he lands behind the villainous clown.

The Joker cackles giddily as the muted sound hits his ears. He adds a dash of white to his otherwise dark canvas before cooing, “Good morning~ Bunny Bat~”

_Bunny Bat_  sighs.

Forget-me-not eyes take in the surprisingly well-done illustration now masking his ad for a charity event next week. It’s him, mostly, gazing out over the city. The  _mostly_ comes from the fact that the caricature has large rabbit ears.

( _Seriously?_ ) First the [Batsignal](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/177685423909/batjokes-bunny-bat-signal), now this? ( _What’s next? My cowl?_ )

Batman refuses to acknowledge the strange tingle in his spine at the thought of actually allowing the clown to do that because it would make him smile  ~~beautifully~~.

* * *

 

The Joker’s grin is bright when he turns to take in the other’s expression.

Something warm and bubbly curls in his stomach at the sight of self-frustration and the smell of internalized rage. Batman isn’t amused by what he’s done but, O! He is  **something** ; something hot and hopeless and haunted and hateful.

Joker loves it.

He breathes it all in and grins as he drops his used paintbrush on the rooftop. The stark white he was using to highlight the Bunny Bat and emphasis his ears splatters onto the concrete at their feet  ~~and, for a second, Joker’s mind snaps as he thinks to himself: (Ha, I wonder if that’s really ink or just negative space?)~~

~~The Clown Prince of Crime blinks heavily and reminds himself that now isn’t the time to be wondering about the facts of living in a comic (I’ll ask Scottie later.)~~.

The silence stretches. Within it, Joker basks in the white hot heat of his partner’s eyes and the rolling boil of his denial. Batman, on the other hand, is warring intensely with himself and the idea of allowing this farce to go any farther.

It’s Joker, of course, who breaks the standoff, “Not a good morning, then?”

“You’ve vandalized the city.” Rough and to the point: he should have been named Gruffman. Or maybe not: what would Joker have teasingly called him then? Gruffs? Gruffy? Gruff Bunny? (Well, not all of that is bad...) Joker laughs.

“I repainted a billboard.”

Batman’s eyes narrow and his lip twitches. He’s clearly frustrated because, well, Joker’s right: this was really innocuous, however insulting, and caused 0 injuries.

The only problem is: “That was meant to help people.”

Joker scuffs and waves a hand at his vigilante. He then lifts both up to display the repainted ad, “This is too!” He giggles and grins while explaining, “Imagine! Tired, tormented, tensed Gothamites trapped in terrible traffic! They’re trembling and tearful—they just want to make it to work! They’re trying their best, Bats!”

Somewhat amused, watching the gay clown gesticulate wildly as he speaks, Batman listens silently to the villain’s explanation; he nods: because they are.

The criminal squeaks—almost squeals—and stomps his feet rhythmically four times; tap dancing  _ ~~The Addams Family’s ba-ba-ba-ba~~~_. He then continues, “While trying their best to get through that tremendous traffic, what do they see?”

The Bat  **almost**  smiles because the thought is a  **bit**  sweet, ( _Just a bit._ ), “Me.”

Joker grins wide and wonderfully warm, “And, so, they have a reason to smile!”


	6. Bunny!Cowl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!

He’s finally done it!

The Joker cackles to himself as he stands triumphantly in his Ha-Hacienda. Before him stretches plans and blueprints; in his hands are rulers and pens.

After months of preparations, the hand-drawn face of the Bunny Bat stare back at him and the carefully penned in eyes glare out from under long, floppy ears.

Now, he just has to get it made.

* * *

 

Getting into the Batcave is about as easy as it was in  _Endgame_.

Dealing with the BatButler? Not so much. The old, one-handed fart is double-handed once again thanks to some state of the art prosthetic (That he wouldn’t need if he and his damn pseudo-son would just embrace immortality!) Wayne tech created for him [before mass producing it because why not help others?]; and while it would be simple enough to remove it—or the other, still fleshy one—doing that would deprave the clown of a handy partner in crime (Get it?  _Handy_!).

He’s also Joker’s best bet at procuring one of Batsy’s spare faces to modify.

Luckily, it’s easy to gain his cooperation by threatening to hurt Tim and Damian.

* * *

 

The Bat’s bunny face isn’t all that different from his normal face (Obviously! Why would I ever want that beautiful face to change?! I just want his ears floppy! Ha!).

What  **is**  different is the amount of  **space**  the cowl now has due to the new ears.

While designing it, Joker had honestly struggled with what to do about that: he couldn’t just  **leave**  that space; Batsy would hate such sloppy implementation!

So, Joker filled the space with a great number of things.

* * *

 

“And what is this?” Alfred Pennyworth asks, holding a little purple box carefully in his prosthetic hand; he is always careful not to damage anything the clown brings him as he knows that will only hurt his master and young masters.

Joker glances at him—the butler thinks; it’s hard to tell when he’s wearing a visor—and seems to blink. Then, he giggles, “A tracker, ALF.” His attention returns to the cowl’s framework as he distractedly adds, “It connects to the second com.”

Alfred stares at the clown, “... You’re going to keep tabs on him and talk to him?”

The butler watches with a tightening chest as the terror that cut off his hand nods once without looking up, “This way, I know when he walks into a mess.”

* * *

 

A tracking system connected to an antenna capable of transmitting all across Gotham and a radio system attached to that same antenna for communication.

It’s basically the same as the preexisting cowl’s network.

Except it’s specifically for Joker to use.

To protect Batman.

* * *

 

It occurs to the butler, then, that, in his own way, Joker really does care for Batman and worries about his safety when it’s not HIM infringing upon it.

This causes Alfred to be a bit more lenient and even friendly with the clown.

He even suggests adding a tail and glitter.

To which, Joker smiles.

* * *

 

“...”

It’s very rare that Batman is confused. Rage is something he’s very familiar with. Hate is, too ( _Especially when a certain clown is involved..._ ). Lust he knows well.

But confoundment...

It floods him as happiness, satisfaction, and amusement stare back at him from the warm and affectionate eyes of aforementioned clown and Alfred Pennyworth until he is completely and utterly unable to say  _no_  to the new bunny ears and tail ( _Of all things... why is it THIS that makes Alfred bond with him???_ ).

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this grew into something else. Obviously. It’s no longer just about the idea that Batman’s long cowl ears look like bunny ears; it’s also about the trust these two share: about how Joker doesn’t unmask the Bat or kill him when he really has the chance; about the compatibility between them and how horrifying that is each time Batman **understands** it. Ha, maybe that didn’t come across but that’s really what I intended... Hope it was at least a bit fun.


End file.
